Shameless hussy mushroom cleans up her act

WARNING! ADULT CONTENT BELOW! WARNING!

It is sad sign of the end times that even Mother Nature can have her hand diverted by the evil designs of the Prince of Darkness, Satan.

And so it came to pass that I was recently disgusted to find this filthy image on a personal blog:



But the InterWeb is a place where families and children and the faithful of God do dwell! I really think the owner of this blog needs to make the WHOLE WORLD (all 50 states of it, from sea to shining sea) AN APOLOGY! To inflict this FILTH without warning is surely a public mischief of the highest order! Unsuspecting children who fall victim are surely going to witness the steady enduring flames of HELL!

I redisplay this disgraceful image here as a public service and offer a way of atonement for the perpetrator.

Switch your image, before too many more young minds are destroyed, with THIS VERSION:




There. The cleansing love of Godly pixelation hath rendered the foul pure.

Sin averted. :-)

Another Family Friendly service by Petros!

There is no such thing as...

1. The Easter Bunny. Thank God. (see left)
2. God, as we know Him. Thank Bunny.
3. Santa Claus. Ha. I figured that out when I was ten! No flies on me...
4. The Loch Ness Monster. Can't say the same for the Loch Ness Monster Tourist Industry.
5. Big Foot.
6. Yowies.
7. Yeti.
8. The Min Min lights.
9. Credible aliens from outer space. Oh, they are probably out there... They just aren't here.
10. A meaningful historical record in the bible. Old or New Testament.
11. Chi. (Hah?)
12. Chakras. (What? Are you kidding me?)
13. Energy from crystals (A.K.A. lumps of pretty rock).
14. Heaven.
15. Hell. (Do follow this link, and especially, play the audio recording of the real Hell about half way down the rather lengthy page. It's just great!)
16. Purgatory.
17. Limbo. How low can the Vatican go...
18. Intelligent thought in the Vatican.
19. Golden plates from which might be transcribed the Book of Mormon.
20. Catholic Saint makin' miracles.
21. Any other miracles.
22. Ghosts.
23. Spooks.
24. Apparitions.
25. Poltergeists. Just as well, since who ya gunna call?
26. Ectoplasm. Although it would be fun to play with.
27. Spirit photography.
28. Sin. (Oh, 'evil' sure exists, but 'sin' is just some shit thought up by evil holy men and attributed to a god for the calculated purpose of crowd control. It's worked for thousands of years...)
29. Miraculous appearances of Jesus Christ or the Virgin Mandy Mary on pieces of toast, rocks, hotplate grease, tree bark, clouds or steaming dog turds.
30. A 6000 year old creation of absolutely everything, starring your friends and mine, Adam and Eve as the original human screwups. Therefore, no 'original' sin, therefore, no need for a Jesus death dive into a vat of boiling suet, or whatever it was he did, to (sort of) let the faithful off the hook. Thanks for calling, JC.

There is such a thing as childhood innocence.

I hope the innocence of the cute little girl at the top of this piece survived that Easter Bunny...

A Petros 1K Short Story: Fred's Day

And it came to pass that the Reverend Pastor Fred Waldron Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church, died and went unto his heavenly reward.

Verily, Fred had prayed and worked hard his whole life.

“I’ve done it all, Lord. I’ve cursed and rebuked all the faggots, and the harlots, and the fag enablers, and the filth, and all the scum that infested your sacred world, Lord. And now I’m comin’ home to ye!”, Fred prayed quietly, as he ascended the golden stairway to the place of judgement.

At the top of the stair, the Lord God Almighty rested on his magnificent throne surrounded by the multitudes of angels and all the Saints.

The Lord shifted gently in his seat, causing the flowing golden chains attached to his nipple rings, to clank gently. The sequin studded thong adorning God’s Holy Nether Bits spangled brightly in Fred’s face, and lo, Fred could not avoid noticing how little it withheld from his imagination.

“Well, big boy”, God intoned, “You’ve no idea how much we have all been looking forward to this…!”

100 Years Dead and Counting

Here she is! Australia's very own first Saint-to-be, Mary MacKillop now celebrating the completion of her first 100 years banging about in Purgatory. Praise the Lord!

Now this Saint has been a long time coming. Having to scrape up 100% guaranteed genuine post-death miracles just ain't easy. But if you are a zealous member of one of the world's greatest dying religions, you can make it happen! Even in Australia! The local Mary MacWorshippers have been at it day and night for a century, and now it is looking like all their valuable, important, hard work is about to pay off. Its a Miracle! They have got their miracles! The dead Sister finally whipped out a couple of magical cures and saved the day.

And so, it has come to pass, EVEN AS WE SPEAK, that a bunch of creaky old farts in red dresses over in Italy are slowly, carefully, importantly, crossing the last 'i's and dotting the last 't's to approve her elevation to the blessed state of Sainthood.

Any day now.

By next year at least, fer sure.

And then Pope Scary the 103rd will bestow on her the Sacred Gong, or something, and Australia will have its first saint, and there will be much rejoicing across the Catholic bits of the land.

Except for Sister Mary. She's dead, and really couldn't give a toss.

40th Anniversary - Apollo 11!

Congratulations of course, to Neil, Buzz and Michael, this being the 40th Anniversary of the first landing on the moon.

Raspberries and a cactus up the anus, to all the conspiracy fruitcakes that reckon it never happened. They are endlessly tedious and collectively have a negative brain cell count. The day Buzz punched one in the face (the jerk sprang out at Buzz and called him a liar, a thief and a cheat) was a great day for Truth, Justice, and the American Way! :-)

I do have a 40 year old grudge with Neil though.

He was so hyped up after landing that he insisted on skipping a three hour rest break scheduled for before the moonwalk. NASA caved and he and Buzz went out early. And I missed seeing the whole thing, as I was stuck in a compulsory school exam. My school refused to reschedule the exam just because of a little something happening on the Moon... It was all over before I got home. I couldn't see anything at school, as my school didn't have any televisions...

"Next time for sure!" I thought.

Nope. Al Bean buggered the Apollo 12 video camera by pointing it at the sun just after he and Pete Conrad started their moonwalk.

"Next time for sure!" I thought.

Nope. Apollo 13 never landed, but that's another story.

"Next time for sure!" I thought.

AMAZING! FINALLY! Live TV from the moon with Apollo 14! Wee...!

You too can be great writer in the comfort of your own home...

I have learned (thanks to Phil Plait) about a really neat website where you can submit short stories. Others may read and rate your stories and you can of course read and rate others. The site is called Ficly, and its really well done. The neat thing is that a single story can be no more than 1024 characters long, so you really have to be economical in your story telling. You can also write prequels and sequels to your own or other's stories.

I have submitted two stories so far.

The most recent, starring everyone's favourite fundie bigot, Fred Phelps is called Fred's Day and was up for about a minute before someone read and rated it. Wee.

If you like writing at all, give it a go...

Sri Lanka mystic reveals an answer to our problems

The Sri Lankan government has arrested a popular astrologer who predicted that the country's president would be ejected from office.

It's hard to pick the greater moron - the astrologer or the government genius who ordered the arrest. Probably the astrologer. He should have known better than to point the bone at a powerful figure in a country well mired in poverty and superstitious crap.

Still...

...it does give one an idea...

Ahem. I shall call forth my previously well shaded psychic astrological powers once endowed upon me by the venerated Gnostrell Earth Goddess of Foon, and confidently predict that out present Nanny Prime Minister Kevin '07 Rudd will be STABBED TO DEATH by every single member of the present Labor Caucus on or before the next Ides of March.

I mean, how much can they (or us) put up with? I am a long time Labor voter, but I am a little tired of all the self serving knee-jerk Mrs Grundy puritan crap oozing from this guy. He really would be better placed running for a spot in the U.S. Congress. They like that sort of thing there.

So, to get the crystal ball rolling, here's a little 100% guaranteed death spell:


... and by the magic of magick, we can sit back and watch Kevvie's inevitable doom unfold.

Aaaaaah.

Now to use my awesome skills on a Lotto ticket...

Hund-schwein!

Tee hee.

(...author undetermined, but 'Good Job!', whoever you are...)

Taliban Logic

Pareidolia Party #1

I love pareidolia. You skeptics out there already know what that is. For the benefit of the pre or non-skeptic, pareidolia is the human ability to recognise patterns or pictures in random information.

A really good example surfaced recently: The face of Christ in the cross-section of a Kit Kat bar. What amuses me is that this is not the usual face-of-Christ in a shadow or a toasted sandwich, but the face-of-Christ as depicted in the Turin Shroud. Here is the Kit Kat:


...and here is the Turin Shroud:



The Turin Shroud image is a photographic negative, since the Catholic/deluded believers think he looks more believeable and worshippable that way. I agree, assuming it is not Photoshop'd (Annie thinks it is), that it is a pretty good match, even is if it IS missing the blood splatters. I picked a Turin Shroud picture already tinted a nice dark brown so as to match the Kit Kat better.

Proof positive of the Divine Influence of GOD on a chokkie bar!!! Yowza!!!

...but wait...

The Shroud of Turin has been pretty conclusively debunked. It is a medieval fake.

Unless, of course, you are a credulous member of the aforementioned Catholic/deluded faith.

So, God has chosen to create the image of a forgery of the image of Jesus, in a chocolate bar. If so, he is displaying a rarely obvious sense of humour here.

Let us gaze on another recent Jesus sighting:

It would seem that The Lord is confused about what he really looked like on his brief stop-over in human history. This is a slab of concrete with an oil stain on it. Its owner managed to extract over $1500 off some religious idiot for it.

To put it another way, if God was REALLY planting happy-snaps of himself in and around our planet, you would think he would keep the image vaguely consistent. These things always have beards (the Jesus ones, not the Virgin Mary!). Beyond that the resemblances are pretty thin.


Is this yet another Jesus revealing himself in a mysterious way, or a baby in a bonnet sitting on daddy's knee?

Sheesh, people can be thick...