Always Amusing

I love the smell of blazing dickheads in the morning...

Sri Lanka mystic reveals an answer to our problems

The Sri Lankan government has arrested a popular astrologer who predicted that the country's president would be ejected from office.

It's hard to pick the greater moron - the astrologer or the government genius who ordered the arrest. Probably the astrologer. He should have known better than to point the bone at a powerful figure in a country well mired in poverty and superstitious crap.

Still...

...it does give one an idea...

Ahem. I shall call forth my previously well shaded psychic astrological powers once endowed upon me by the venerated Gnostrell Earth Goddess of Foon, and confidently predict that out present Nanny Prime Minister Kevin '07 Rudd will be STABBED TO DEATH by every single member of the present Labor Caucus on or before the next Ides of March.

I mean, how much can they (or us) put up with? I am a long time Labor voter, but I am a little tired of all the self serving knee-jerk Mrs Grundy puritan crap oozing from this guy. He really would be better placed running for a spot in the U.S. Congress. They like that sort of thing there.

So, to get the crystal ball rolling, here's a little 100% guaranteed death spell:


... and by the magic of magick, we can sit back and watch Kevvie's inevitable doom unfold.

Aaaaaah.

Now to use my awesome skills on a Lotto ticket...

A list of oxygen thieves of the last 100 years

A short list of people the world would have been better off without:

1. All the heads of Europe just prior to and during WW1. These pathetically useless mammals helped inspire the phrase: "What if you declared a war and nobody came?" Unfortunately everyone did come. 40,000,000 dead.
   
2. Adolf Hitler and his inner circle of humanitarian sidekicks. 70,000,000 dead.
3. US President Truman. This stupid prick had no valid human reason to drop the A-Bombs on 220,000 Japanese civilians - the Japanese military were already looking for a way to end the war and Truman knew it. He just didn't want the Russians to get to Japan first.
4. Joseph Stalin. Millions slaughtered by Stalin's resilient paranoia.
5. Mao Tse Tung. (Where the heck did the rename 'Mao Zedong' come from? The same guys who created 'Beijing' from 'Peking' I guess. Once names have been Westernised they should bloody well leave them alone. The new ones are rarely any more accurate than the old. So, how come we don't call 'Japan', 'Nippon'?)
6. Idi Amin. Most Amazing Man. Thousands killed or eaten.
7. Pol Pot. 1 - 3 million (Pol himself reckoned it was only a pardonable 800,000. What a guy.)
8. Kim Il-Sung (Dad). Human Rights? We ain't got no steenking human rights...
9. Kim Jong-Il (Son). Human Rights? We ain't got no steenking human rights...
10. Dim Sum Il Jong (Cousin). Human Rights? We ain't...(oh all right - that one is a little silly. I'll get back to being deadly serious)
11. Osama Bin Laden and happy friends. A comment is hardly necessary.
    
12. All those happy suicide bombers. Kill everyone who doesn't share your faith. Allah be praised. Kill the Shi'a if you're Sunni. Allah be praised. Kill the Sunni if you're Shi'a. Allah be praised. Kill all infidels because Allah is too piss-weak to do his own dirty work. Allah be praised. The guy suicide bombers all score 72 shiny new virgins each - what do the girls get? More Holy Rogering, I guess. Allah be praised.
13. Presidents Bush. A right pair of village idiots. Brought about the demise of far more Iraqis than poor departed Saddam ever managed AND set us all teetering on the brink of Holy Wars for the foreseeable future. Allah be praised.
    

I'm sure many names could be added but its MY biased incomplete list, not yours, so bugger off.

Public Idiot Number One

"Lordy sakes! Let's go to war with Russia if they don't do what we tell them!" (paraphrased and probably understated)

Oh super - just what the world needs - another testosterone soaked blathering idiot in a position of power. And won't she have that in spades if McCain keels over.

This person is probably more dangerous than Dubya ever was. One wonders if she is already planning her part in the (rather late, but still coming) Christian Apocalypse - "gotta get those End Times a' rollin' before The Lord up an' Raptures me away!" The sooner Jesus snatches her (and the 90% of U.S. Republicans who believe such nonsense) away for a bang-up fundie-fest in the clouds the better. One can only hope.